Thought I’d share a letter I wrote about my son Jimmy. It will be shared with athletes attending a university in central New York. My hope is that it will provide some perspective and positivity in the midst of the pandemic.
When I attended Colgate University nearly 50 years ago, I played freshmen basketball. After I rode the bench for the entire season, I decided I’d better concentrate on my studies. But as a former athlete, I’m still on the mailing list for Colgate athletics news.
Recently, I heard from Colgate’s head football coach, Dan Hunt. He asked us to consider emailing the team; and sharing something that might encourage them at a time when COVID-19 is wreaking havoc with fall sports. As a member of the Patriot League, Colgate’s football season has already been postponed. Coach Hunt went on to talk about the importance of sacrifice, responsibility, leadership, and following guidelines during a semester unlike any Colgate has ever experienced.
When I thought of how I might respond, Jimmy came to mind.
Dear Coach Hunt and Raiders:
Thought I’d share a bit about my son. Jimmy is 44 years-old, pushes shopping carts for Walmart, and is one of my role models.
For the last five months plus, Jimmy has been on “lockdown” inside the group home he shares with two other autistic men (Pom and John) and a counselor. This means he spends almost his entire day in his room, except for mealtime and his daily exercise (weather permitting, 15 laps around his house with Pom and John).
I’m not sure how much all of you know about autism. Jimmy was born autistic, although it took doctors a while to diagnose him. At age 6, one well-known doctor at Baltimore’s Kennedy Krieger Institute described him as the most hyperactive, functional child he’d ever met. Jimmy, like autistic people in general, is driven by routine. When his routine changes, it’s a challenge to put it mildly. Needless to say, COVID-19 has obliterated his schedule. He doesn’t work at Walmart, he can’t see his family or sisters, he can’t go to baseball games and now it looks like fall football games, he can’t go on a family summer vacation, and we can’t go out each weekend and shop, eat lunch, and “chill” like we usually do. And so on and so on.
But somehow he’s managed. He probably calls my wife or me seven or eight times a day to ask his schedule questions. “When can I see my sisters? Are the rates high or low (COVID)? When will this be over? Is it half-over? Are you coming to take a walk with me this weekend?” (note: he is now able to take walks with me but we both must wear masks, and I can’t take him anywhere in my car or enter his home). “Am I going to have to wear a mask when I go back to work? Why isn’t it safe to go back to work?” Probably each time he calls he asks us close to fifty questions. Most we’ve already answered, and without a doubt he remembers our answers.
Not too long ago, we were talking about the virus and he asked me a question that caught me off-guard and shook me. “This year has been screwed up for everybody. It’s not my fault, is it?” I then reassured Jimmy it wasn’t his fault and we talked a bit about the virus and how it got started.
I tell Jimmy all the time how proud I am of him. While making sacrifices as well as dealing with anxiety and stress is tough for all of us during this difficult time, I can only imagine what Jimmy is going through. Like many autistic adults, he has a very difficult time sharing how he feels.
The discipline he shows me every day is something we can all emulate. And what’s really special is that he remains one of the most content and grateful people I know.
Take care,
Rich Bucher
Colgate Class of 1971
Links to more from Dr. Bucher:
Buy A MOMMY, A DADDY, TWO SISTERS AND A JIMMY: AUTISM AND THE DIFFERENCE IT MAKES at Amazon.com