The R-word has been getting a lot of attention lately. Jane Lynch, of Glee fame, and other celebrities have made concerted efforts to educate the public regarding the r-word and other social slurs. Health professionals and the federal government have been directed to refrain from using the term “retarded.” On March 7th, “National Spread the Word to End the Word Day,” many school systems circulated a pledge supporting the “elimination of the derogatory use of the r-word” as well as the “acceptance and inclusion of people with intellectual disabilities.”
As the father of a son with a disability, my family has experienced the social, psychological, and emotional effects of this word on numerous occasions. For instance, I remember my daughter coming home crying one day after someone referred to her brother as a retard. Just yesterday, another woman addressed the word’s continuing impact when she confided to my wife, “When I hear that word, it still stings my heart.”
However, much of the time the r-word is simply used casually in everyday speech. In these instances, individuals may use the r-word to describe a stupid idea or criticize someone who happens to be different in some way. In these instances, many people have no idea why this term can have such a powerful, negative impact on others. Witness the conversation my wife, a middle-school teacher, had last week with one of her students. After talking about her family and some of her experiences with the r-word, my wife asked if any of her students wanted to sign “the pledge.” Nearly all of the students proceeded to sign, but one student had second thoughts. She said:
Student: “When I use that word, I don’t mean it like that.”
Teacher: That may not matter, if you are using it to mean stupid or gross.”
Student: “But I don’t think that, and I don’t mean it about ‘those’ people.”
Teacher: “Do you ever use the word “retard” as a compliment?”
Student: “Well, er, no.”
Teacher: “I don’t think you meant to use it that way either. I just think you’ve never really thought about it.”
After this exchange, the student sat down at her desk. Five minutes later, she got up and quietly signed the pledge.
All too often, we assume that intent and impact are synonymous. Because our intentions are not meant to disparage a group of people, then our comments are OK. We need to remember, and help our children remember, that nothing could be further from the truth.
Hi! I appreciate your concern in educating people of the incorrect use of the r- word. That word irritates me to no end. I agree with you that many don’t understand the powerful and negative effect it can have. I’ve always hated this word but, even more so after my previous job working for a company that provides services to individuals with mental and physical disabilities. I’m now a fulltime social work student and work part time in an elementary school. Working in the elementary school I hear kids say this often and the sad thing is they think it’s cute and funny but, they have no clue. When I hear a child say it I explain the true meaning and its negative affect while also taking fun things such as recess, crafts, and games away for the day. I would like to see a pledge and training like this in my school.
Best wishes and look forward to future blogs,
Jennifer
I am glad to see that you are expressing your thoughts on this subject. Some people find it hard to understand how offensive using this word can be. One of the main ways to combat the use of this word is to educate. I think some people have no idea the impact the r-word can place on someone. There are many other words besides the r-word that people use without a care in the world. I look forward to a time when the r-word and others like it are not spoken.
I enjoyed reading your blog and thinking about what the R word really means and who it affects. I have used the R word to describe something stupid or ridiculous, and after reading this blog I will try my hardest to not use the R word at all anymore. I never thought of it as a social slur before, but it definitely is.
I think that people do not think that saying the “r” word is that big of a deal. I think that we as a country do not understand the meaning of what that does to people that have someone that is challanged in their family. I knew a guy in highschool that his little brother was mentally challanged and I think that it was different for their family living day to day and for his brothers friends to get used to his little brother.
Jamie C
I appreciate that you talk about this as your topic. I agree that this R-word is a destructive word which might make somebody’s heart bleeding. Having such problem in a family is already a hard thing, other than because of taking care of them is tired and rocky, being looked-down by others or sometimes being biased is really hurt and sorrowful. Before reading this blog, I sometimes say this word to make fun on my friends when they did some silly things; but after reading it, I swear I will not do it again. I’d respect people and avoid doing anything which might make someone feels bad and sad.