Bermuda:  Finding a Rewarding and Safe Medium for Our Autistic Son

Posted on November 5, 2018 by Dr. Bucher

It’s so easy to get caught up in the literature on “responsible parenting” and lose sight of the fact that some advice doesn’t necessarily apply.

Take helicopter parenting, which most of the literature makes out to be negative.  It means hovering over your child, being excessively overprotective.  Certainly, there are still times we have to be helicopter parents with Jimmy, and he’s over forty years of age.

Evidently, lawnmower parents are the new helicopter parent.  They get out in front of the child and eliminate barriers that might get in the way.  Again, this is a tough one.  Sometimes, we have to advocate for Jimmy, even as an adult, because he has such a difficult time advocating for himself.

Recently, we took Jimmy on his first cruise to Bermuda.  For the longest time, this is something he’s wanted to do.  Months of planning went into giving him as much freedom as possible but at the same time keeping him safe.  For example, he had his own room on the ship, almost directly across from ours.  But it was an interior room, so there was no balcony and no danger of him climbing overboard.  It’s worth noting that as a child, Jimmy had to be restrained from jumping off balconies.  What was neat is that interior rooms like Jimmy’s aboard Royal Caribbean’s Anthem of the Seas now have a screen with streaming video of the view outside.

When we went to the beach, I had my eye on Jimmy every second.  Even though he swims Special Olympics, he has a tendency to venture too far out.  So I walked along the shoreline as he swam, motioning to him to come in a bit whenever he got in over his waist.

One day, we went to Dolphin Quest, a wonderful swim-with-the-dolphins program we checked out far ahead of time.  Even though Jimmy said he wanted to do this, he wasn’t so sure once we arrived.  Fortunately, they knew we were coming.  Two instructors with a background in special ed took over.  Yes, Pat and I got in the water with Jimmy and nudged him along.  When it came time to feed the dolphins, I gently guided his arm by the elbow so he could put the fish in the dolphin’s mouth.  Throughout this wonderful opportunity, Pat and I gave Jimmy as much independence as possible.  After it was over, he felt great about what he did and so did we.

Jimmy feeding a dolphin

Jimmy feeding a dolphin

The rest of the cruise, he pretty much did what he wanted.  After all, this cruise was all about Jimmy.  He went to shows, sampled food he’d never had, and met new people.  Every day, Jimmy and I took laps around the upper deck, walking for about 3 miles.  There were many firsts, which made this journey that much more exciting and meaningful.

As he gets older, we’ve learned to back off when we can.  Do we hover at times?  Do we get out in front of him to make it easier for him to achieve his goals?  Absolutely, but as our autistic son gets older, we’re following him more and more.

 

Please note: I just finished a book about my entire family and how we have grown over the years, in large part because of Jimmy.  My son Jimmy is a middle-aged adult on the autism spectrum.  The voices and perspectives of my son, my two daughters and wife as well as friends and professionals are included throughout.  It’s a real, uplifting, and remarkable story; one which I have wanted to share for a long time.  The kindle version of this book is now available, and the print version will be coming out soon (see https://aJimmy.com).

Visit https://www.facebook.com/DiversityConsciousness/ to read current articles and view insightful videos relative to Diversity Consciousness.

 

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Everyday Autistic Leadership

Posted on October 5, 2018 by Dr. Bucher

Usually when we think of leaders, we think of someone high up in the chain of command, someone with lots of power, fame, status, and wealth.  Fortune’s “World’s 50 Greatest Leaders” include people such as Angela Merkel, Moon Jae-in, Bill and Melinda Gates, and Serena Williams.  Among those with autism, we think of individuals who’ve made a name for themselves like Temple Grandin or perhaps the late Donna Williams, as well as leaders of the neurodiversity movement.

But there’s no one agreed-upon definition of leadership.  For instance, there are a variety of leadership styles and roles.  In his TEDx Talk, Drew Dudley addresses everyday leadership, the “everyday act of improving each other’s lives.”  These acts empower others, promote courage and growth, and model self-respect.  Furthermore, he states, they might be beneficial to an organization, a team, and/or oneself.

When I think of everyday leadership, I think of many people on the autism spectrum.  Take my son Jimmy.  He’s constantly pushing himself out of his comfort zone when he goes to work, takes a family vacation, or attends church.  Often, when I am hesitant to try something new that makes me uncomfortable, Jimmy’s everyday behaviors help me find the courage to do.

There there’s Rick, our neighbor across the street.  Rick is one busy, hard-working man.  He’s a valued employee, volunteer, and a member of his church choir; he also happens to be autistic.  Each Sunday he passionately sings of his love for the Lord.  Numerous members of the congregation have commented that Rick’s singing is both uplifting and inspiring.  For me, Rick is a constant reminder that we all have different gifts, according to the grace God has given us.

In her blog, “Everyday Asperger’s,” Samantha Craft writes, “I am a natural born leader; I have always been, despite my own qualms and misgivings…Overall, I tend to end up as a voice of some sort for the downcast or underdog.  And it’s not among my favorite of tasks—this speaking up for myself and others.  Indeed, it would be fair to say, I dread many moments beyond the comfort of my home.”

Lastly, Jeanette Purkis, an autistic author and advocate, talks about self- advocacy and mentoring as critically important types of leadership in the autism community.  She singles out a friend who “spends a lot of her spare time and money attending Autism events, sharing her experience online and talking to people and supporting them.  This woman, Purkis says, has a beautiful, generous character and uses her influence to change opinions about Autism.”

Please note: I am currently writing a book about my entire family and how we have grown over the years, in large part because of Jimmy.  My son Jimmy is a middle-aged adult on the autism spectrum.  The voices and perspectives of my son, my two daughters and wife as well as friends and professionals are included throughout.  It’s a real, uplifting, and remarkable story; one which I have wanted to share for a long time.  The book will be published later this month (Oct.).

Visit https://ajimmy.com/ for more about the soon-to-be released book.

Visit Dr. Bucher’s Facebook Page  to read current articles and view fascinating videos about autism today.

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Random Summer Musings on Jimbo and his Family

Posted on September 3, 2018 by Dr. Bucher

Now that summer’s almost over, I thought I’d share some highlights:

Pat and I started the summer by taking in a music legend, Barry Manilow.  It brought back a flood of memories for my wife, namely dancing with Jimmy in our living for literally hours upon hours.  It was the one thing that actually seemed to soothe him and provided Pat with a chance to hold and snuggle our baby son, who was more content being left alone.  As Jimmy grew up, he also became a fan.

We then went to Deep Creek Lake in Western Maryland with our entire family in late June.  For the first time ever, Jimmy made it through a week-long vacation without a single meltdown.  To quote Barry, “It’s A Miracle!  Oh Oh Oh Whooo.”

All summer long, Jimmy participated in Special Olympics kayaking.  Jimmy’s ability to kayak and manage a paddle is another miracle, given his autism and gross motor challenges.  Soon after he was born, he was diagnosed with mild cerebral palsy.  This makes it extremely difficult for him to do one thing with his left hand and something quite different with his right.  But with the help of a whole bunch of super SO volunteers, he learned how to paddle; although he still can’t kayak solo.

Lastly, Pat and I just went to see the musical Hamilton in D.C.  Wow, what a show!  It helped that I spent time familiarizing myself with Hamilton, Burr, Lafayette and a few of the other roles.  But what’s funny is that here we have a man who came from very humble beginnings and accomplished so much, and yet throughout a good part of the show I was focused on his role as a father.  Because of his dedication to his work, his dreams, and getting “his shot,” he sacrificed a great deal, including family time.  Our country owes a tremendous debt to Alexander Hamilton, but that’s one hell of a sacrifice. Unfortunately, like women, men can’t have it all; couldn’t then and can’t now.

Putting the finishing touches on my book; ‘til next time…

 

Please note: I am currently writing a book about my entire family and how we have grown over the years, in large part because of Jimmy.  My son Jimmy is a middle-aged adult on the autism spectrum.  The voices and perspectives of my son, my two daughters and wife as well as friends and professionals are included throughout.  It’s a real, uplifting, and remarkable story; one which I have wanted to share for a long time.  The book will be published later this summer.

Visit https://www.facebook.com/DiversityConsciousness/ to read current articles and view insightful videos relative to Diversity Consciousness.

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Extreme Snippets Don’t Do Autism Justice

Posted on August 4, 2018 by Dr. Bucher

Recently I read a blog by Mandy Farmer, a parent of a young boy with autism.  In it, she takes issue with story upon story that merely describes autism as a blessing or a gift.  That is, it gives us understanding, patience, and a positive attitude.  Autistic individuals are super-smart with talents that boggle our minds.  They’re full of love and acceptance.

“When Jimmy was a boy, I read about some family raising a disabled child and they would say it’s the best thing that ever happened to them; it made me want to throw up.”

–Pat Bucher

On the other hand is another extreme, the narrative that autism is anything but a gift.  A diagnosis of autism leaves parents crying, grieving, and shocked.  The child is a medical mystery, a problem to be cured, and a major disappointment.  The parent or caregiver has no choice but to look ahead to a lifetime of social stigma, stress and financial challenges.  Research seems to offer little help as well.  For instance, one recent study concludes “autism moms have stress similar to combat soldiers.”  Once reality sets in, marriage takes a hit and so does one’s quality of life.  Everyone’s impacted negatively, including siblings and grandparents.

For Farmer, autism is neither a blessing nor a curse, it just is.  She describes her loneliness and her son’s loneliness.  Ms. Farmer talks about her struggle to get her son medical care as well as an education that meets his needs and to which he is entitled.  She discusses how helpless she feels when her son is screaming all day long, or when she has to take her daughter to the hospital for a possible concussion as a consequence of her son’s impulsive behavior.  Finally, Ms. Farmer concludes her blog with the words, “Please don’t tell me autism is a gift.  My child is a gift, his autism is a disability.”

Extreme snippets of life fail to capture what autism is all about.  They tend to sugarcoat or demonize.  We now know that each individual and each family experience autism differently.  That continues and changes throughout life.  So blanket statements about autism in general are terribly inaccurate, stereotypical, and incomplete.  In essence, they conjure up images that bear little resemblance to everyday life.

 

Please note: I am currently writing a book about my entire family and how we have grown over the years, in large part because of Jimmy.  My son Jimmy is a middle-aged adult on the autism spectrum.  The voices and perspectives of my son, my two daughters and wife as well as friends and professionals are included throughout.  It’s a real, uplifting, and remarkable story; one which I have wanted to share for a long time.  The book will be published later this summer.

Visit https://www.facebook.com/DiversityConsciousness/ to read current articles and view insightful videos relative to Diversity Consciousness.

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Thin Slices of Autism

Posted on July 4, 2018 by Dr. Bucher

Starbucks has been in the news lately for reasons that seemingly have nothing to do with autism.  Months ago, two Black men were arrested at a Starbucks in Philadelphia.  Their offense?  Asking to use the bathroom, waiting for their business partner, and not buying anything.  Starbucks’ employees at this establishment made a quick, unverified judgement about black men, a judgement that was years in the making.  To supposedly rectify bias of this nature, corporate has committed itself to monthly training for employees, and managers in particular.  How to evaluate whether this training works is a whole different issue.

I wonder what Starbucks’ employees assume about people with autism when they set their eyes on them for a split second.  My guess is that for many, bias creeps into their thoughts.  Recently, scientists studied the “thin-slice judgements” that people in general make about autistic people.

Thin-slice judgements are assumptions about an individual’s abilities based on a single characteristic of autism.  In an interview, a parent of a daughter on the spectrum says he’s often asked, “What do you mean she is autistic?  She doesn’t seem to act autistic?”  You’ve got to wonder what trait people single out that defines autism in their eyes.  Maybe it has something to do with autistic people’s demeanor, social skills, personality, or perhaps their speech.

This study found that for young and old alike, thin-slice judgements occur within seconds and are strongly resistant to change.  For instance, researchers found that when body-language of individuals with ASD are construed to be awkward or odd, such as facial expressions or body posture, the chances for meaningful social interaction or social interaction period to occur go down the drain.  Similarly, when near instantaneous negative judgements are made of black men, such as the assumption they’re up to no good, avoidance or discrimination is often the result.

If you relied on first impressions of my son Jimmy, you’d probably assume he’s uninteresting, unimaginative, and incapable of carrying on an intelligent conversation.  You might jump to the conclusion that the two of you share nothing in common.  And you might think he’s withdrawn and could care less about meeting you.  But if you took the time and made the effort to get to know him, you’d discover a middle-aged man who’s nothing like what you imagined.

Bits and pieces of information don’t tell us nearly enough, about anyone.  Trying to make sense of what took place at Starbucks, one of the arrested black men commented, “This is not a ‘black people’ thing, it’s a people thing.”

Please note: I am currently writing a book about my entire family and how we have grown over the years, in large part because of Jimmy.  My son Jimmy is a middle-aged adult on the autism spectrum.  The voices and perspectives of my son, my two daughters and wife as well as friends and professionals are included throughout.  It’s a real, uplifting, and remarkable story; one which I have wanted to share for a long time.  The book will be published later this summer.

Visit https://www.facebook.com/DiversityConsciousness/ to read current articles and view insightful videos relative to Diversity Consciousness.

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Dishonoring and Dehumanizing Autistic “Lunatics,” and Others of “Unsound Minds”

Posted on June 2, 2018 by Dr. Bucher

“Step back in time and see how the mentally insane lived and died within these walls.  Thousands have been committed to the asylum over the years, and hundreds unfortunately died here.  Decide for yourself if they’re still occupying the historic wards and treatment rooms.”

The Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum (TALA) in West Virginia (71 Asylum Drive, Weston, WV, 26452) was built in the mid-1800s, long before autism became a formal, medical diagnosis.  In theory, asylums were designed to provide support and shelter to lunatics or people of “unsound minds.”  TALA’s reality, and others like it, reveals something far different.

The initial plan of providing each patient with a tiny private room, a small bed and a window to let the sunlight in eventually became impractical as TALA’s population of “lunatics” grew.  Even though it was built to accommodate 250 patients, it ended up housing more than ten times that number, reaching its peak in the 1950s with 2,600 patients crammed into rooms, hallways, and every conceivable space.

On the second floor, children with autism, Down’s syndrome, and other mental and physical disabilities were housed in the Children’s Ward.  As they got older, they would be moved to adult wards where they would spend the remainder of their lives.  Some, whose families never claimed their corpses, perhaps because it was too much of a bother or they were too embarrassed, can be found buried in a small cemetery on a hill next to the institution.

If my son Jimmy had been born one hundred years earlier, I doubt he would have “made it” due to health complications at birth.  But if he had, it’s likely he would have been referred to as an ignoramus, a clinical idiot, or a lunatic.  Jimmy would have become a ward of the state and sent to a mental hospital or asylum like TALA.  As parents, we would have had little if any choice in the matter.

Why did people become get committed to TALA?  Well, the list is long, random, and frightening.  Diagnoses included feebleness of intellect, epileptic fits, “overaction of the mind,” mental excitement, “softening of the brain,” and “overtaxing mental powers.”  Others who might end up in TALA were found to be lazy, nymphomaniacs, immoral, and greedy.

The quote at the beginning describes one of the various Paranormal Tours offered on the grounds of TALA.  These “Ghost Tours” are offered during the day and night.  Depending on the cost (which ranges from $40 to $150), the public can go on “hunts” (alone or in groups) and spend the night, accompanied by experienced guides to ensure a “positive and safe evening.”

After more than 100 years of operation, TALA started showing its age.  The facility closed its doors in 1994 but unfortunately, its former residents are still being exploited and disrespected.  It’s worth noting that a few years ago, former President Barack Obama signed legislation into law that removed the term lunatic from all U.S. federal laws.

Yes it’s important to remember history so we don’t repeat it.  But this type of remembrance is both repulsive and unconscionable.  If and when we step on the grounds of TALA, it should be a time of reflection and remembrance, not hundred dollar guided ghost hunts to find the “hottest spots.”  By the way, TALA isn’t the only offender but that doesn’t make it any less repugnant.  Where’s the outrage?

 

Please note: I am currently writing a book about my entire family and how we have grown over the years, in large part because of Jimmy.  My son Jimmy is a middle-aged adult on the autism spectrum.  The voices and perspectives of my son, my two daughters and wife as well as friends and professionals are included throughout.  It’s a real, uplifting, and remarkable story; one which I have wanted to share for a long time.  The book will be published this summer.

Visit https://www.facebook.com/DiversityConsciousness/ to read current articles and view insightful videos relative to Diversity Consciousness.

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Autism:  Nonconformity Can Be a Good Thing

Posted on May 3, 2018 by Dr. Bucher

When I introduce the chapter “Social Groups” in my sociology class, I explain to my students that I’m going to conduct an experiment to examine their visual perception.  Then, I conveniently ask one of my students to do me a favor which requires going to our departmental office (about a 2 minute walk).  When the unsuspecting student leaves, I explain to the remaining students that the real purpose of the experiment is to exert pressure on the one missing student when s(he) returns.  Then, I tell them to give me the right answer for the first 2 “trials” and the wrong answer for the last one.  Once the uninformed student comes back, I show the entire class three sets of lines.  For each trial, I ask students to match lines of the same length.

We’re talking college students here, so this isn’t rocket science.  When I’m not prompting students to give an incorrect answer, students will make a mistake less than one-percent of the time.  But when the rest of the class gives the incorrect answer, the unsuspecting student goes along almost one-half of the time.  This classic experiment, similar to one conducted by Professor Solomon Asch more than 65 years ago, examines the influence of groups and the dynamic of social conformity.

Recently, the Asch experiment was used with autistic children.  Researchers discovered that these children were much less likely to conform to group pressure than “typically developing children.”  Studies suggest that autistic people aren’t so caught up with the idea of maintaining a certain image of themselves in the eyes of others.  As the father of a child with autism, this finding didn’t surprise me at all.

For instance, my son Jimmy has taught me so much about my world, his world, and social behavior.  For example, he could care less if his clothes don’t match or aren’t in fashion.  He could care less if his style of dancing is unlike anything I have ever seen.  And he could care less if he’s the only patron in a men’s restroom talking out loud…to himself.

So much time is spent focusing on children with autism, and specifically their shortcomings and “disorders.”  By looking at the Asch Experiment in a different light, we might observe that college students who aren’t autistic are too caught up with following rules and going along with the crowd.  For whatever reason, a person with autism might be more comfortable going it alone.  And that can be a very good thing.

Temple Grandin, perhaps the most famous autistic individual in the world, often talks about how we need all kinds of minds, talents, and perspectives.  Too often, we reward people who repeatedly do something simply because that’s what’s expected; people who embody what it means to be a “team player.”  But often I’ve discovered that people who don’t necessarily go with the flow are more creative, honest, and interesting.

Please note: I am currently writing a book about my entire family and how we have grown over the years, in large part because of Jimmy.  My son Jimmy is a middle-aged adult on the autism spectrum.  The voices and perspectives of my son, my two daughters and wife as well as friends and professionals are included throughout.  It’s a real, uplifting, and remarkable story; one which I have wanted to share for a long time.  The book will be published later this year.

Visit https://www.facebook.com/DiversityConsciousness/ to read current articles and view insightful videos relative to Diversity Consciousness.

 

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An Autistic Manager Makes a Team Better

Posted on March 27, 2018 by Dr. Bucher

Almost one in three young adults with autism is not involved in volunteer, community, or educational activities.  They do not interact with friends, nor are they invited to join social activities.  This data comes from a nationwide survey by Drexel University’s Autism Institute.  The survey focused on what happens when autistic youth transition into adulthood.

Research findings such as this may lead to the mistaken assumption that autistic adults could care less about participating in social and recreational activities.  However, more often than not, they simply need to be invited and the community needs to adapt and accept their differences.

In November of last year, I decided to coach a group of third and fourth-grade boys as part of something called Upward basketball.  Upward basketball is a Christian-based sports league, with more than a million participants and volunteers.  My own church, Brook Hill United Methodist, is one of the 2,600 churches that participate.

Upward’s mission is what got me thinking about coaching again; winning wasn’t emphasized as much as Christian values and character development.  Unfortunately, I came to find out that games were held on Saturdays, which is the same day my wife or I typically visit our son each week.  I didn’t want to miss that precious time with him, so I started to think about whether he had any interest in being our team’s manager.

When I asked my son Jimmy if he was interested, his first question was, “What would I do?”  Once I broke it down for him, he said, “SURE!!” I then had to clear it with the head of the league as well as our pastor.  Both were extremely supportive.

Before the first practice, I emailed the parents, letting them know that my son Jimmy would be our manager and described his role.  I simply described him as an amazing middle-aged man who happens to have autism.  That was it.

Jimmy was the manager of our team (The Mustangs) on game days during January and February.  He held my clipboard, handed out wristbands to each of our players, and huddled with our team.  Also, he was our biggest cheerleader.  I thought Jimmy would make our team “better,” and indeed he did.  While he didn’t attend practice (he lives about an hour away and works at Walmart during weekdays), we would talk about him quite a lot during our mid-practice huddle, particularly when we discussed the Upward “curriculum” for the year, which focused on courage, kindness, and patience.  Jimmy sat with the team, was accepted by the team, and endeared himself to the players’ parents and grandparents.  Further, Jimmy taught us valuable lessons about life, God’s Word, and priorities.

After our last game, the team surprised Jimmy by giving him a “Mustangs Manager” tee shirt, created by a very supportive group of parents and signed by each of the players.  And Jimmy gave each of the players a thank you card.  He signed it himself but since his writing is not all that legible (he has mild cerebral palsy), he dictated the rest to my wife and she typed what he said word for word:

Dear Athletes,

Thank you very much for having me as the Mustang’s manager.  I’ve been enjoying staying in the special room [where we met before the game] and watching all you guys get stars from my father and Mark [assistant coach]. I also enjoyed watching you guys play basketball and also giving all of you hand bands each period.

Your manager,

Jimmy Bucher

 

Please note: I am currently writing a book about my entire family and how we have grown over the years, in large part because of Jimmy.  My son Jimmy is a middle-aged adult on the autism spectrum.  The voices and perspectives of my son, my two daughters and wife as well as friends and professionals are included throughout.  It’s a real, uplifting, and remarkable story; one which I have wanted to share for a long time.  The book will be published later this year.

Visit https://www.facebook.com/DiversityConsciousness/ to read current articles and view insightful videos relative to Diversity Consciousness.

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Autism 101:  What First Responders Need to Know

Posted on February 25, 2018 by Dr. Bucher

A while back, my wife made reservations for the two of us and Jimmy to fly to Vegas to visit family.  Pat requested bulk-head seating so Jimmy would not kick the passengers in front of him.  When the airline agent began to hesitate, she explained that Jimmy had a disability known as autism, and used Rain Man as an example.  But this made matters worse.  The agent, worried that Jimmy might lose control, felt it was not safe to have Jimmy on the plane.  At that point, I got involved, talked to the agent’s supervisor and we eventually worked things out.  When I recall this incident, it brings to mind the familiar adage, “A little knowledge can be a dangerous thing.”

Recently, I read about training for first responders who might come into contact with children or adults with autism.  Police, firefighters, paramedics, and other professionals are beginning to receive much-needed training in the area.  Imagine a crash course in Autism 101.  They’re being taught clues that point to autism, what to expect if this is the case, how to respond, and safety tips.  While lectures, videos, group exercises, and power point presentations are a start, I would recommend that first responders also spend some time with someone like my son Jimmy and other members of the autism community.

Take police.  According one recent estimate, autistic individuals have seven times more contact with law enforcement over the course of their lifetimes than the larger population.  Many of these encounters involve people on the autistic spectrum who are elopers, meaning they tend to wander off and put themselves in danger.  If and when they are found, they might very well react to sounds, lights, and noise differently.  Instructions may be difficult for them to process.  For example, if police officers encounter my son, they might mistakenly assume his reactions (ignoring them, nervous laughter, lack of eye contact) are a sign of disrespect.  Or perhaps they might think he’s on drugs.  And in a stressful situation, they are apt to find it extremely challenging to communicate with him.

When it comes to training, the tough thing about autism is that there is no checklist.  When you encounter one person with autism, you encounter one person with autism.  While some have sensory sensitivities, others do not.  While some do not maintain eye contact, others do.  While some may find it difficult to communicate during an interrogation, that’s not true of all by any means.  While some act like Raymond (from Rain Man) or Shaun Murphy (from The Good Doctor), the vast majority are much more different than similar to those characters.  Autistic people do not act and react a certain way; rather they act and react in diverse, often unpredictable ways; just like the rest of us.  And there is no one tried-and-true technique for calming an autistic person who may be having a difficult time holding it together.  What first responders do to provide assistance might not work.  If that’s the case, they should try to be as calm, patient, and understanding as possible; and persist.  That in itself is a lesson worth learning.

Please note: I am currently writing a book about my entire family and how we have grown over the years, in large part because of Jimmy.  My son Jimmy is a middle-aged adult on the autism spectrum.  The voices and perspectives of my son, my two daughters and wife as well as friends and professionals are included throughout.  It’s a real, uplifting, and remarkable story; one which I have wanted to share for a long time.  The book will be published later this year.

 

Visit https://www.facebook.com/DiversityConsciousness/ to read current articles and view insightful videos relative to Diversity Consciousness.

 

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Empowering with a Push

Posted on January 23, 2018 by Dr. Bucher

At a recent lecture by Dr. Temple Grandin in my hometown of Frederick, Maryland, a father of a local high school student with autism shared, “People with autism have the same desires as anyone else, and those can be squashed if the doors aren’t open to them.”  True enough, but Grandin finds that this is not enough sometimes.  Parents, caregivers, educators, therapists and others need to push, stretch, and nudge autistic children and adults through these doors in order for them to take advantage of opportunities that are increasingly opening up.

In her book, The Loving Push, which she co-authored with psychologist Dr. Debra Moore, Dr. Grandin addresses the fact that youth on the spectrum are apt to be overprotected.  As a parent, I can certainly relate to this.  Growing up, I knew what my son Jimmy would encounter when he played with the kids in the neighborhood and went to school.  I knew some would befriend him, some would ignore him, and some would take advantage of him.  I knew he would be in situations where he would be tormented, teased, ostracized, and probably bullied.  Once he got out on his own, I knew that sticks and stones could break his bones, but names might be just as lethal.

Grandin and Moore say the purpose of their book is to “help parents let go and give careful, loving pushes to get their child to try new things.”  Really, when you think about it, that’s what we try to do that with all children.  In The Loving Push, Dr. Grandin describes how her own mother, Eustacia Cutler , stretched her beyond her comfort zone.  We pushed Jimmy as well.  Compared to our neurotypical daughters, Jimmy’s pushes tended to be more deliberate and calculated.  For his own safety, he needed more intense supervision for a longer period of time.  He still does, and that is one reason why we or his sisters visit him at his group home every weekend.

Jimmy absolutely loves his routines.  For Jimmy, these routines are usually safe, functional and comforting.  Trying something new means changing his routines, which is extremely difficult for him and the rest of our family.  As a child, we introduced him to new things in small, incremental stages.  As an adult, we’re doing the same thing but it’s less often.  At the same time, we respect his discomfort with newness.

In her lecture, Dr. Grandin gave a loving push to the entire audience.  She spoke of empowering individuals with autism, saying she saw too many autistic kids “become their label;” a point that needs to be shared and taken to heart.  In other words, don’t let the label define one’s future.  Labels don’t define us, our potential, or are dreams.  That’s true of Jimmy and that’s true of the rest of us.

 

Please note: I am currently writing a book about my entire family and how we have grown over the years, in large part because of Jimmy.  My son Jimmy is a middle-aged adult on the autism spectrum.  The voices and perspectives of my son, my two daughters and wife as well as friends and professionals are included throughout.  It’s a real, uplifting, and remarkable story; one which I have wanted to share for a long time.  The book will be published in the not too distant future.

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